Done! First blog post is completed and I am pumped! I am ready to publish it to the world! And then it hits.
WAIT! WAIT!! WAIT!!! HOLD THE HORSES!!! STOP THE TRAIN!!!!
Am I suppose to be making this available for others to read? Hmmm…that makes my skin crawl. I feel like a giant alien just reached in through my lower back and clamped down on my spine. I can wave my arms and scream, but I am unable to free myself. That effin’ hurts!!! I can’t even reach around to do anything to stop it. Oh my, this is not what I want. I start to cry.
Breathe Rob. This is just an emotion. As I think, I realize that some deep-seated need to control what people think about me is sending waves of panic coursing through my body. As if I have any actual control over what anyone thinks! But even so, my brain is doing it’s best to stop me from making a horrible mistake. It screams at me: "THIS WILL NOT TURN OUT WELL”, “PEOPLE WILL KNOW YOU ARE A FRAUD”, “THEY WILL JUDGE YOU”, “THEY WILL LEAVE YOU”, “YOU SHOULD STAY IN YOUR SHELL WHERE YOU WILL BE SAFE”!
Well, I’ve decided that I am going to allow people to do just that. I am coming clean. Feel free to judge to your heart’s content. As Brene Brown said, “We must dare to show up.” “We must walk into the arena with courage and the willingness to engage.” So, while I don’t feel like King Leonidas facing the Persians at Thermopylae, I am showing up and jumping into the arena [arms raised in triumph]. I may dodge and skip around and at times you may see tears running down my face, but I am here to stay until they carry me out feet first. Who’s ready to jump into the arena with me?
BRING IT! I’M HERE TO STAY!
And yes, my brain is still yelling at me to run and hide; "THIS IS CRAZY!” But, I can’t wait until I am perfect or bulletproof. I will never be either, so into the arena I go with very few skills. If you want to join me, I will fight by your side to the end. But if you want to jeer at me from the stands, well I hope that some day you too will be able to jump into the arena and test your skills. But for now, I must focus on what’s in the arena. I, for myself, am tired of squandering my time, my gifts, my purpose, and the unique contributions that only I can make.
LET THE SHOW BEGIN!!!
P.S. For those people in the stands - please do not throw objects at the participant or make weird noises. He has a phobia of being paralyzed by giant aliens.